they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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