I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize