i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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