Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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