Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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