apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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