I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
