At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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