Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
