I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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