You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
