I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
