You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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