So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
