her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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