Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
