Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
