we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
