Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
