I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
