Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
