Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
