What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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