just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
