Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
