my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
