You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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