So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
