If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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