I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My pussy is not your playground.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His hands were made for my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
