Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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