My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize