i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You made out with two different species that night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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