he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
