Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
