I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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