I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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