And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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