the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
