I'm really into asian looking animals
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
