you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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