Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
