I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
