I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
