I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
