im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
