3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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