i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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