when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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