By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
