Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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