it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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