did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
birth control should be required to get into college
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
