I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
