I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
