I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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