I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
