Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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