I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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