Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
